There are seasons of life that don’t look or feel like growth. It might look more like unraveling. You might feel numbness, disorientation or disconnection from who you once were. There may be a sense that the things that used to bring meaning no longer “fit.”
Some people describe this as The Dark Night of the Soul — an experience that is ancient, deeply human, and very transformative.
The term "Dark Night of the Soul" originates from the 16th-century mystic St. John of the Cross, who wrote a poem describing a painful but necessary stripping-away of illusions, ego identity, and old ways of being. In spiritual traditions, the “dark night” is seen not as punishment but as a transitional phase — a passageway between the old self and the emerging self.
Psychologically, it often looks like:
Loss of clarity or meaning
A sense of floating or disorientation
Emotional heaviness without a clear external cause
Questioning relationships, identity, purpose, or beliefs
Feeling “in between” versions of yourself
The dark night is not about hopelessness... it's about deconstruction before reconstruction. Everything that is false or outdated falls away so something truer can emerge.
The dark night often comes when:
A major life transition occurs (death of a loved one, divorce, trauma, betrayal, burnout)
Old coping strategies stop working
Your inner self wants change, but the external life hasn’t caught up
You are shedding past identities or survival patterns
This phase can feel emotionally raw because it dismantles the ego defenses we once needed. But this dismantling makes space for a more secure, grounded sense of self.
The dark night can be considered a "liminal state", meaning a threshold moment where the nervous system reorganizes and reorients.
(Clinical, treatable, not a spiritual crisis)
Loss of pleasure in all activities (anhedonia)
Persistent low mood for most of the day
Significant sleep changes
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Negative thought patterns
Lack of motivation with no inner pull toward meaning
A key difference: Depression pulls inward and shuts down.
(A transformation process, even if painful)
You feel disconnected but still have a faint sense of inner longing
Your emotions are heavy but feel purposeful or introspective
You question old patterns and beliefs
You feel nudged toward growth, healing, or self-discovery
You sense you’re “shedding” an old identity
A key difference: A Dark Night pulls inward while inviting something new.
Though painful, this phase is often a turning point that can:
Reveal hidden beliefs or survival strategies that no longer serve you
Help you integrate trauma and unresolved emotional pain
Clarify your values
Deepen intuition and connection
Create emotional capacity for healthier relationships
Strengthen boundaries
Reconnect you with authenticity, purpose, and meaning
Think of it as a “metamorphosis” stage — like a caterpillar dissolving before becoming something new.
Trying to “out-think” or outrun this phase creates more suffering.
Allowing it doesn’t mean giving up, it means softening and accepting.
Since the dark night often stirs deep emotional layers, grounding practices help you stay steady:
Somatic practices
Breathwork
EMDR resourcing
Co-regulation with safe people
Gentle movement, walking, yoga
Think of it as your system reorganizing, not breaking down.
Therapy helps bring structure, safety, and meaning to a period that otherwise feels chaotic.
Choose one or two safe supports. The dark night means going inward, but doesn't have to be endured alone.
This phase is not about clarity — it’s about clearing which will make way for clarity to come after.
Journal, notice metaphors, pay attention to dreams.
Your psyche is speaking in deeper ways during this time.
Reach out to a therapist or physician if you experience:
Thoughts of self-harm or suicide
Inability to function
Intense despair without relief
Nightmares or flashbacks
Emotional numbing that feels extreme
A feeling of being unsafe in your body
You don’t need to determine on your own whether it’s depression, trauma activation, or a dark night. Seek support from a therapist or trained professional.
“To come to the knowledge you have not,
you must go by a way in which you know not.”
-St. John of the Cross
“The soul is in great need, though she knows not what she needs. She wanders searching, restless, and finds no resting place.”
-Teresa of Avila
“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
“I have been knocking from the inside.”
-Rumi
“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.”
-Carl Jung